Oftentimes, when we think of the word “bully,” we picture a small, sweet, little kid getting beaten up by a group of much bigger kids.  He is outnumbered and not really looking for a fight. He looks fearful and doesn’t fight back much.

Bullying has changed these days — and I’m not referring to the trending topic amongst school moms hurdled around whispering during after-school pick-up.  I’m talking about the type that not a whole lot of people talk about…mainly because it sounds pretty silly.  I’m talking about the mom bullies.  Mom bullies are the ones that are usually telling her own kid to not bully others, or are telling someone else’s kid to not bully — but she is the worst offender of them all.  She talks the talk about “inclusion” and “kindness” but she’s the one spreading the toxicity.

She’s the one who intentionally organizes play-dates, birthday parties, and outings excluding others.  Her intent is never to really target the kid involved, but the mom…she somehow excludes the kid to get to the mom.  She has made her intentions a sport and will go out of her way to exclude the moms she doesn’t want around.  She rotates friends — or best friends in almost a “flavor of the month” type fashion.  She will approach another mom about an issue her kid is having with her kid in probably the most one-sided manner.  She will accuse other kids of being mean while she’s blind to her own kid’s ways.

You would think I have a personal anecdote or an agenda in writing this…I don’t!  In fact, I’m the wallflower that watches this all go down.  I’m the observer — the one people don’t think that’s paying attention, but sadly I am.  I see things others don’t.  I see the pain and impact it makes on the kids.  I see the concern on a kid’s face when they realize that everyone was invited but them.  I see the mom’s that feel excluded, but hold their heads up so their kids don’t see her embarrassment.  

Raising a child these days is hard enough — do we really need to bully each other to make ourselves feel better?  Do we really need to use the little amount of time and energy we have left in our day dealing with the drama?  Do we really need to show our kids that this is what adulting is all about?  To one up another or put others down?  NO!

Stop The Hate

Stop the hate — stop the mom bullies.  Call them out and exclude them until they come around and show them what inclusion means by befriending her.  More-often than not, these moms have been hurt themselves and this is their coping mechanism to shield herself from the potential haters out there.  She needs the extra TLC and some time, but eventually she will come around.  And if not…let it be and move on.  Life is way too short for the nonsense — make it count!

And with that…cheers!

Komi

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