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marriage

Lifestyle

To Work Or Not To Work – A Stay At Home Moms Dilemma

As a stay-at-home Mom, I had the luxury of being able to choose to stay home with my children over my career.  A choice, that is not for everyone.  Prior to having kids I was a high school history teacher. I eventually got my masters in counseling which led to a position as a high school guidance counselor.  

My Legacy

Deciding to pick my children over my career was not an easy choice. I was blissfully unaware that the loss of my “identity” would be a part of my journey deciding to stay at home.  In the first few years of motherhood, I found peace in knowing that my identity and legacy was going to be how I parented my beautiful children.  While I continue to be fulfilled by this, their full time school schedule opened up more time to do me!

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Suddenly I found myself in a crossroad, I went from being a full time mom while they were babies, to a part time mom while they were away at school. It’s impossible for the kids to not always be top of mind, but I now had the opportunity to consider my own creative outlet, like our blog.  After careful consideration of the bigger picture (lifestyle, finances, etc.) my husband and I decided me staying home was the best option. Most days I’m grateful for the opportunity to be home, but I would be lying if I said there were days that I wished I used the wealth of knowledge I gained in my academic career becoming a teacher and counselor. 

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The Takeaway

Learning to be OK with my life journey has taken some time. I know that it will continue to evolve as I get older. The flip-flopping of my desire to go back to work versus feeling blessed to be at home feels so much a part of my daily emotional roller coaster.  As I write this, I find it empowering to remind myself, and those around me, that OUR journey is special and unique. You don’t need to fit your life into a specific check box of either working mom or stay at home mom. Doing “you” in whatever capacity allows you to be the best version of yourself, and in turn the best version of a partner and mother.

Rock on Mamas!
Your Chick,

Sonia

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Lifestyle

Dating Your Spouse

It is said that time flies, and boy do I believe it more than ever now!  I’ve been married for 11 years and, truth be told, it feels like it’s only been 2!  Granted 11 years may seem like honeymooners to some, if feels like an eternity to me!

In the early stages of our marriage, impressing each other was still very much a part of our daily routine. As time has gone on and children have entered the picture, we have learned to grow our friendship stronger than ever before. Aligning our values through parenting has created a bond stronger than I ever knew I would have with my spouse. I’ve always been in search of the perfect friendship, and what I’ve realized over time is they are hard to come by. Similarly, it would be unrealistic to find the perfect marriage. What I have found in my marriage is the perfect friendship. My husband and I have had our fair share of ups and downs, but honestly I feel like we are #FriendshipGoals. 

I feel very fortunate to have known my husband since I was 8 years old. We were next-door neighbors growing up, and even went to elementary school, middle school, and high school together.  Having gone through all those stages, I feel like we know a lot about the ins and outs of how each other work. Despite that, it wasn’t until after we got married that I really saw who my husband was as a person and as a partner in life. 

The Takeaway

Marriage is no easy feat. It takes effort, energy and understanding. Making time for the other person, especially with little humans, takes skill and willpower. The only thing that has kept us going over the years is our strong bond over communication. Trying to talk things out and make space for each other has encouraged us to continue finding the silver lining in this crazy journey we call life. I couldn’t think of a better person than my best friend to do it with.  It’s not the materialistic things, but the small things that matter.  If I could do  it all over again in the next life I would do it all over again with him. #FriendshipGoals #DateYourSpouse

Your Chick,
Sonia

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Lifestyle

Parallel Lives : A Story of Two Moms

Sonia and I, not surprisingly, talk every day.  That is EVERY SINGLE DAY for the last 36 years — minus those few times in college where all sisters fight, of course.

She is my lifeline and through her, I have learned so much about life.  When you have someone to bounce ideas, feelings, and circumstances off of, it can be a humbling experience.  Exchanging notes with my sister and all of our Chicks over the years has taught us one thing:

“We may have all come on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now. “

~Martin Luther King, Jr.

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We Practice Self Care

Realizing that we all have common human experiences like relationships, work, family, and responsibilities, is the secret to happiness. Sonia lives in downtown Chicago and I live in a small town in middle Georgia. It is easy for me to sometimes think that the grass is greener on the other side, but let me make my case otherwise.  I often joke that ‪Monday through Friday‬, my rural Georgia life and Sonia’s city life look exactly the same. The main difference is that she has better restaurant options on the weekends. Through my frequent talks with her, I see how the details of our lives are actually so similarly aligned. But the similarity of our human experience has been muddled in the recent years… thanks to the internet.

Social media can spread truth, but it can also be misleading. It makes you think that you’re supposed to be leading a certain lifestyle and meeting certain measures. But l let me tell you that behind all the photos, there is a lot of sacrifice.  As Mothers we all have to wake our kids up, hope that they are in a good mood, get them ready and shipped off to school, go to work or to the gym, pick up the kids, bus them around to after school activities, get dinner ready, and then wind down at night just to do it all over again the next day.  On top of the daily activities, we are trying to put our best foot forward to be our best and most beautiful selves, and think of creative ways to truthfully and meaningfully connect on social media platforms, arrange the meetings, attend the conferences, and organize the photo shoots. I could go on forever.

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Chicks And Salsa has a network of almost 15,000 women strong and we all agree that the struggle is real.  If you are lucky, you can carve out a few minutes to catch your breath, throw on a face mask and put your best foot forward every day. And remember, the emphasis on the ‘few minutes’.

This post has been a long time coming, a reminder that you are living your best life and that finding the silver lining in everything you do is a matter of perspective.  In my experience, Mother’s are the glue that holds everything together. It is our responsibility to also share what we are going through with each other and keep it real — because we are all going through it.  We also need to be there for each other because if we truly are the same, then the thoughts and feelings we experience in this journey through marriage, maturing, and parenthood is also the same. 

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Over the years we have tackled all kinds of issues with our friends and families, everything from divorce, counseling, death, illness, and bullying. But sometimes the ‘sisterhood’ and support is lacking when you see women criticize others or amplify each other’s shortcomings. This is our chance to unite and lift each other up. We each have good days and we each have bad days. Especially as Mother’s, Sonia and I can both attest to the strength it requires to remain a stable force in a constant moving stream that is family. I just wanted to remind you that before you wish you had someone else’s life, learn to love what you have and where you live — your every day is amazing, I promise. I recently wrote a reflective piece about a local place that means a lot to me and my family.  Find your special corner in this world and make it yours!

Cheers,
Rina

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Lifestyle

5 ‘P’owerful Ways to Connect With Your Spouse

Please tell me I am not the only one who feels like sometimes life gets too busy…to the point that there are evenings when my husband and I are hardly able to chat in the evenings.  I have spoken with my chicks and my mom about this and it seems normal for life to cut into relationships — but honestly, no one likes to feel like they are not ‘connected’ to their spouse or significant other (SO).  Having been married for 13 years with two young children, it’s easy to let one busy evening become two nights in a row and then, before you know it, a week!

Here are some important reminders, the five ‘P’s, to keep your relationship on track and healthy:

Prioritize

Identify that you miss your spouse…this is an easy way to kick yourself back into gear. The best place to start is to communicate that longing. It helps get the wheels turning for you and for your SO. I tell my husband I miss him all the time, even when he is right in front of me. It lets him know that I am thinking about him and that time with him is a priority for me.

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Plan

Remember, actions express priorities. So once you acknowledge that you miss each other, it is time to make a plan. We were so good about date nights in the beginning, but lately (in the last 3 years) not so much. This year, we want to find a way to get back to that place where we set aside time for each other. Making time to do things together (yes, without the kids and hustle of daily life) expresses priorities.

Play

Remember those little things you did when you had fewer responsibilities? In our case, it was watch a lot of movies, NBA basketball games, and walking around new parts of town. Those activities are fun, flirty, and lighthearted. Don’t just go out to a fancy dinner — go to sports bar and catch the game again, like old times.  Play time together is just as important for adults as it is for kids. Remind each other of the easy, playful times amidst the weight of growing responsibilities with families.

Sonia and Badal Celebrating 10 Years!

Sonia and Badal Celebrating 10 Years!

Physical Contact

Do you know it only take 60 SECONDS of physical skin to skin contact to get the endorphins going?  Take that playfulness further by sneaking in moments to flirt at home. These moments can be an unexpected hug or kiss in the kitchen, a slight touch of the hand as you walk by. Making sure to remember that even the slightest physical contact with your spouse can make the body have a positive biological response.

Pillow Talk

This one is great. It ties in with #2, planning.  Each night, when the lights are out, it is nice to have a little recap. I tell my husband a quick story about the kids or myself. He will tell me something funny that happened at the office. We try to keep the exchange lighthearted (and phone free), to help us laugh together and end the day with a smile.  Having this brief re-connectivity can help be a reset and recharge button for the relationship. I actually think about pillow talk throughout out the day and look forward to that moment of peace when it is just the two of us.

** Bonus ‘P’: Poetry**

When I first met my husband he would write me lovely snippets in emails, on cards, and on napkins (anything he could get his hands on!) from time to time, sneaking in a romantic thought here an there really drew me to him.  Since that time, I have see many other relationships use this fun way to communicate with each other.  Check out some of my favorite love poems written by my uncle in his book, The Start Of Something Beautiful.  Maybe scoop up a copy for your honey for old times sake, or check out some of our other ideas for gifts.  Here is a sample from the book:

God Exists Poem

Hopefully, you can use some of these tips. When I am on the same page as my spouse, I move through my day with confidence and positivity. When we are ‘off’, it affects me, the kids, my work, etc.  Are you like that?  Drop me a comment below on what you do to connect with your spouse.

Cheers,

Rina