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Mean Mommies – Stop The Bullying!

Oftentimes, when we think of the word “bully,” we picture a small, sweet, little kid getting beaten up by a group of much bigger kids.  He is outnumbered and not really looking for a fight. He looks fearful and doesn’t fight back much.

Bullying has changed these days — and I’m not referring to the trending topic amongst school moms hurdled around whispering during after-school pick-up.  I’m talking about the type that not a whole lot of people talk about…mainly because it sounds pretty silly.  I’m talking about the mom bullies.  Mom bullies are the ones that are usually telling her own kid to not bully others, or are telling someone else’s kid to not bully — but she is the worst offender of them all.  She talks the talk about “inclusion” and “kindness” but she’s the one spreading the toxicity.

Women Uplifting Women
Women Uplifting Women

She’s the one who intentionally organizes play-dates, birthday parties, and outings excluding others.  Her intent is never to really target the kid involved, but the mom…she somehow excludes the kid to get to the mom.  She has made her intentions a sport and will go out of her way to exclude the moms she doesn’t want around.  She rotates friends — or best friends in almost a “flavor of the month” type fashion.  She will approach another mom about an issue her kid is having with her kid in probably the most one-sided manner.  She will accuse other kids of being mean while she’s blind to her own kid’s ways.

You would think I have a personal anecdote or an agenda in writing this…I don’t!  In fact, I’m the wallflower that watches this all go down.  I’m the observer — the one people don’t think that’s paying attention, but sadly I am.  I see things others don’t.  I see the pain and impact it makes on the kids.  I see the concern on a kid’s face when they realize that everyone was invited but them.  I see the mom’s that feel excluded, but hold their heads up so their kids don’t see her embarrassment.  

Women Uplifting Women
Women Uplifting Women

Raising a child these days is hard enough — do we really need to bully each other to make ourselves feel better?  Do we really need to use the little amount of time and energy we have left in our day dealing with the drama?  Do we really need to show our kids that this is what adulting is all about?  To one up another or put others down?  NO!

Stop The Hate

Stop the hate — stop the mom bullies.  Call them out and exclude them until they come around and show them what inclusion means by befriending her.  More-often than not, these moms have been hurt themselves and this is their coping mechanism to shield herself from the potential haters out there.  She needs the extra TLC and some time, but eventually she will come around.  And if not…let it be and move on.  Life is way too short for the nonsense — make it count!

And with that…cheers!


Currently Craving:

Top Ten Ways To Find Your Zen

With the school year underway and relaxed summer routines becoming not-so-distant memories, many of us have to try harder to carve out time for ourselves and search deeper to block out the buzzings around us.  The grind of drop-offs, work, pick-ups, activities, specials, dinner, homework…wash, rinse, repeat…gets to even the most pain-tolerant of us. 

Meditation is the discovery that the point of life is always arrived at in the immediate moment. – Alan Watts

Below is a list of the top ten ways to find your zen.

Create a playlist- find the songs that put you in your element.  I listen to a variety of music so mine contains anything from classical to hip hop.  I use my headphones and tend to multi-task at home.  I also play it in the car after the kids have been dropped off.  Have you checked out Chick Radio yet? Subscribe to our channel, we update our list often.

Take a walk – I find my zen walking through the aisles of Target or Home Goods…alone.  I may not purchase anything but I enjoy the solitude and without being beholden to a shopping list and a tight time frame.  The same can be achieved walking outside, snow-shoeing (for the more adventurous), and biking.

Devour a book- Nothing takes you away and warms the soul like a good book; one that makes you lose track of time and makes you look forward to the next chunk of free time in your calendar.  This month, my book club is reading a thriller set aboard a luxury cruise line called The Woman In Cabin 10, nothing like a thriller to create an alternate reality in your mind.

Drink to it-  Not alcohol, I’m talking about a nice relaxing cup of hot tea or hot chocolate.  Perhaps milk with tumeric or cinnamon.  I have a spice blend I’ve created that I add to either black tea or warmed milk and it puts me in my zen state.  Try the chicks favorite, Frontier Organic Fair-Trade Chai!


Get organized!- Spend five minutes every night organizing your thoughts for the next day, crossing things off your list for the day and double checking your calendar.  Nothing takes you out of your flow than a disorganized rush in the morning.

Create a mantra- Create an affirmation that motivates and inspires you and repeat it when you wake up, right before bed and any other time you need it!  Check out our Affirmations Board on Pinterest for ways to stay calm and  stay positive.

Learn to say “yes” – Say yes to dinner with your friends, or to your child when he asks to play hide-and-seek  Those events allow you to be present and break up the routine. Also, connecting with others simply feels good.

No guilt – You know the phrase “Life’s too short…” The cliche is actually rather profound.  There’s no room for guilt.  And with that, I’ll leave you with another one of my favorite quotes “Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”

Disconnect! – Make it a habit to set a time every day to disconnect from all electronics.  Start with five minutes and don’t be surprised if you find yourself increasing that time 🙂  You’ll cherish it.  See our post about what you are missing when you are on your phone.

Laugh!!- What better way to feel relaxed than by feeling happy?  Try something silly, learn a new dance, tell a joke.  Get in touch with your unabashed-ness of your youth when you laughed more than you worried!  If you have not already read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*$k, do yourself a favor, and pick it up!



Your Brainy Chick

Put The Phone Down!


Not so long ago, women would go to their neighbor’s houses to socialize.  They might chat for hours, sitting around the kitchen table. There was an art to conversation, a give and take.  People actually listened and learned from one another.

Today, things are much different.  In our fast paced world that already doesn’t allow for “hours around the kitchen table”, too often we squander what little time we have left for our friends by texting other people when we’re supposed to be talking to the people we’re with!

We’ll text others who aren’t there and post selfies on Facebook/Instagram, etc., but are we able to fully enjoy ourselves in the moment if we’re doing that?  Sure, humans are social animals and everyone wants to enjoy life to the fullest.  But what does this behavior signify?  Are we just trying to have fun with the most people all the time, even if we’re spreading ourselves too thin?  Or are the reasons more difficult to face?  Like maybe we’ve become uncomfortable with real people and our phones have become a crutch?  Maybe we don’t have much to say, and we’re trying to hide our insecurity by showily engaging in private conversations with other people through our phone.  Maybe we are trying to show off how popular we are.  I ask you, do we really need to be distracted by every funny conversation that is texted to us, when we’re sitting with someone who took the time to actually show up to spend time with us?

This savvy chick says obsessively texting while with friends harms those friendships; and when done flagrantly, ostentatiously, or rudely, it displays shockingly bad manners as well.

This is not acceptable behavior!  You’re better than that.  Don’t you realize that always being available to text actually means that you’re not really doing anything else that’s interesting?  Or, even worse, it might mean that you’re so easily distracted by novelties that you’re unable to hold a conversation as a mature adult.  Admit it.  The message that you’re actually sending to the world when you text while socializing with other people is that you’re immature, and unable to handle your social life like an adult should.

It’s clear that this technology is still new.  With the advent of texting and social media, established communication etiquette has broken down.  Yet, no one really seems to be speaking out against all this blatant rudeness that contravenes all the well-established social rules.  It’s time we recognize that the novelty of smart phones has worn off.  We need to reflect on how to comport ourselves when with friends in this age of ubiquitous smart phones, and come down on the side that honors the reality of human contact over the virtual reality of a phone.  And we need to stop using the phone as an instrument of power over others.  Forcing people to wait while you take pictures and text is impolite and self-important.

Of course, emergency texts are ok.  The convenience of real time is nice. Recording a funny moment is too, but you don’t have to text it out right away to get the response you crave.  Wait to do it later when you’re alone.  Constant texting with friends and taking photos for social media should not be encouraged during social visits.  Such behavior does not lead to meaningful interactions with the people you’re with, and may even lead people to resent your behavior.

In reality though, the problem is more complicated.  It’s not just one person doing this when friends are together. The fact is everyone is doing it, and it seems to have led to an arms race to see who can do it the most.  It seems to be a weird form of a popularity contest.  No one wants to be the “uncool” one with no one to text with while they’re talking to someone else; reminiscent of the college days when having a drink or cigarette in hand signified relevance.

It’s become ridiculous.  Given this dynamic, I’m not really sure how we’re going to fix this as a society.  That’s the problem with arms races.  It takes one person to take the first step.  Yet, for many of us, it would feel awkward to ask someone to put their phone away when sitting down to talk. However, with someone you know, for whom the problem has persisted, perhaps you can take the first step by announcing “this is going to be a no-phone lunch”.  Manners are the unspoken rules of behavior for civilized people.

However, you shouldn’t have to ask people to put down their phones, or even signal for them that they should do so.  People should be expected to do that without asking.  But try telling that to the worst offenders amongst your friends.  Tell them their manners are atrocious.  See how that goes over as you study their shocked faces!

We should be building meaningful relationships.  By texting during a conversation, you’re missing out!  Put down that phone!  Not only are you hurting your friendships, you’re hurting yourself!  Texting and too much social media creates a lonely place and a false reality!  Start living again!  Or at a minimum, let’s set an example for the next generation!

So let’s bring real communication back!  Our happiness (and friends) will thank us.

Josie Croll, Savvy Chick