Parallel Lives : A Story of Two Moms

February 14, 2019

Sonia and I, not surprisingly, talk every day. That is EVERY SINGLE DAY for the last 36 years — minus those few times in college where all sisters fight, of course.

She is my lifeline and through her, I have learned so much about life. When you have someone to bounce ideas, feelings, and circumstances off of, it can be a humbling experience. Exchanging notes with my sister and all of our Chicks over the years has taught us one thing:

“We may have all come on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now. “
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Realizing that we all have common human experiences like relationships, work, family, and responsibilities, is the secret to happiness. Sonia lives in downtown Chicago and I live in a small town in middle Georgia. It is easy for me to sometimes think that the grass is greener on the other side, but let me make my case otherwise. I often joke that ‪Monday through Friday‬, my rural Georgia life and Sonia’s city life look exactly the same. The main difference is that she has better restaurant options on the weekends. Through my frequent talks with her, I see how the details of our lives are actually so similarly aligned. But the similarity of our human experience has been muddled in the recent years… thanks to the internet.

Social media can spread truth, but it can also be misleading. It makes you think that you’re supposed to be leading a certain lifestyle and meeting certain measures. But l let me tell you that behind all the photos, there is a lot of sacrifice. As Mothers we all have to wake our kids up, hope that they are in a good mood, get them ready and shipped off to school, go to work or to the gym, pick up the kids, bus them around to after school activities, get dinner ready, and then wind down at night just to do it all over again the next day. On top of the daily activities, we are trying to put our best foot forward to be our best and most beautiful selves, and think of creative ways to truthfully and meaningfully connect on social media platforms, arrange the meetings, attend the conferences, and organize the photo shoots. I could go on forever.

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Chicks And Salsa has a network of almost 15,000 women strong and we all agree that the struggle is real. If you are lucky, you can carve out a few minutes to catch your breath, throw on a face mask and put your best foot forward every day. And remember, the emphasis on the ‘few minutes’.

This post has been a long time coming, a reminder that you are living your best life and that finding the silver lining in everything you do is a matter of perspective. In my experience, Mother’s are the glue that holds everything together. It is our responsibility to also share what we are going through with each other and keep it real — because we are all going through it. We also need to be there for each other because if we truly are the same, then the thoughts and feelings we experience in this journey through marriage, maturing, and parenthood is also the same.

Over the years we have tackled all kinds of issues with our friends and families, everything from divorce, counseling, death, illness, and bullying. But sometimes the ‘sisterhood’ and support is lacking when you see women criticize others or amplify each other’s shortcomings. This is our chance to unite and lift each other up. We each have good days and we each have bad days. Especially as Mother’s, Sonia and I can both attest to the strength it requires to remain a stable force in a constant moving stream that is family. I just wanted to remind you that before you wish you had someone else’s life, learn to love what you have and where you live — your every day is amazing, I promise. I recently wrote a reflective piece about a local place that means a lot to me and my family. Find your special corner in this world and make it yours!

Cheers,
Rina

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Lifestyle

Sex And The City in Hindsight

January 15, 2019

Season 1 of Sex And The City was released in 1998 – let that soak in! That was 20 years ago folks! That means I was 16 when it first came out. As a girl of immigrant parents, I can assure you that I had no idea Sex And The City was “a thing” since we didn’t have cable…either way, my parents weren’t going to let me watch it so it didn’t really matter. The freedom of college gave me my first access to cable AND this show. It was also my first glimpse into a reality that I would only realize much later on in life.

Here we are 20 years later, and still reflecting and referencing episodes from this iconic show. How did I miss that 20 years ago these ladies were doing it right all along? The age old journey of women continues to look similar to that of these women. Balancing love, career, fashion, and girl time are all things that we strive for every day!

Over the years I have heard women often identify with one of the characters over the others. In my case, I feel as though in my life and in my social circle I am most like Charlotte. Like her, I always dreamed of the ‘white picket fence’ with a husband and kids. My desire to be defined by my family has always motivated my actions. Also, like Charlotte, I love to wear pretty dresses like this one and this one.

Leopard Sweater | Yellow Animal Print Sweater | Bauble Bar Earrings | Ruby Woo Lipstick

Truth be told, I do believe that for those people who watched the show it helped mold the coming together of girls nights out and women supporting women. It’s no secret that historically women have been suppressed, the show openly talked about things that women were dealing with that weren’t necessarily openly discussed (i.e. marital, financial, social, and health issues).

I’m amazed at how I still take fashion tips 20 years later from these ladies. I’m also amazed at how their situations in the show still normalize my situations in real life. Making time for myself without my husband and kids has also become ‘a thing’ (which was not true for the generation before us). Hats off to the writers of Sex And The City and the actresses that made this iconic show a legacy for so many women who followed along and continue to reference it all these years later!

The Chicks Line Up:

Sonia – Charlotte – Ladylike and Polite

Rina – Carrie – Writer and Party Girl

Avani – Samantha – Confident and Outspoken

Shelly – Cynthia – Career Oriented and Loyal

Which character is most like you? Respond in the comments below.

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Your Chick,
Sonia

Lifestyle

I Dare You: Empowering Women (Especially Moms) to Be More Than a Housewife

May 9, 2018

A good friend called one morning and expressed her desire to produce a play, mind you she has been a part of a theater playgroup for a few years and wanted to bring light to her community theater.

I encouraged her to do so, yet she was still uncertain. As fellow mom, where would she find the time and was it even worth it? She expressed interest in wanting to do something outside of her comfort zone. I continued to encourage her and say, “do it, you have a passion, pursue it.” Little did I know she would soon take me out of my own comfort zone.

Josie, my friend, asked if I would be in her play if she produced it. My response… No, No & NO!

Okay, let’s back up for a minute, first off I have zero acting experience, second I have stage fright and third, I have the worst memory! Even if I agreed, my kids and husband dominated my life, where would I find the time to rehearse?

Another friend, Serene, was also asked to be in this play and promised that this experience would not only empower me, but also be something that I would be glad to cross off my bucket list. True, the thought of being on stage once crossed my mind growing up, but the fear of stage fright made me think twice. Despite my anxiety, I decided to go for it, for myself and also to show my children that I had other interests and roles outside of Mom and wife.

Two weeks and a million rehearsals later, I finally learned my lines and understood my character. I realized that I experienced more than just memorizing lines and relating to my character; I experienced the bond with other characters that I would be sharing a stage with. I discovered that I had found a new and different type of confidence after a long time. To act like someone else was a release that I needed from my day-to-day life. I felt alive and felt lighter like I hadn’t before.

Showtime

Three months later it was show time! For the first time I felt a rush and adrenaline that was like no other. The connection I felt with both the cast and audience was priceless! The show was called Smalls Talk and we performed it at the Parker Playhouse.

The truth is we are all scared to try something outside of our comfort zone. Had I not been pushed I wouldn’t have experienced something so fun and break that stage fright out of me.

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Its not too late to take on a challenge and make it a goal, do something different and encourage your friends to do the same. Experience something outside of your daily routine. Go ahead I DARE YOU!

Read more about what is means to be a #MomOffDuty here!

Your Chick,

Avani