Mean Mommies – Stop The Bullying!

March 7, 2018

Oftentimes, when we think of the word “bully,” we picture a small, sweet, little kid getting beaten up by a group of much bigger kids. He is outnumbered and not really looking for a fight. He looks fearful and doesn’t fight back much.

Bullying has changed these days — and I’m not referring to the trending topic amongst school moms hurdled around whispering during after-school pick-up. I’m talking about the type that not a whole lot of people talk about…mainly because it sounds pretty silly. I’m talking about the mom bullies. Mom bullies are the ones that are usually telling her own kid to not bully others, or are telling someone else’s kid to not bully — but she is the worst offender of them all. She talks the talk about “inclusion” and “kindness” but she’s the one spreading the toxicity.

She’s the one who intentionally organizes play-dates, birthday parties, and outings excluding others. Her intent is never to really target the kid involved, but the mom…she somehow excludes the kid to get to the mom. She has made her intentions a sport and will go out of her way to exclude the moms she doesn’t want around. She rotates friends — or best friends in almost a “flavor of the month” type fashion. She will approach another mom about an issue her kid is having with her kid in probably the most one-sided manner. She will accuse other kids of being mean while she’s blind to her own kid’s ways.

You would think I have a personal anecdote or an agenda in writing this…I don’t! In fact, I’m the wallflower that watches this all go down. I’m the observer — the one people don’t think that’s paying attention, but sadly I am. I see things others don’t. I see the pain and impact it makes on the kids. I see the concern on a kid’s face when they realize that everyone was invited but them. I see the mom’s that feel excluded, but hold their heads up so their kids don’t see her embarrassment.

Raising a child these days is hard enough — do we really need to bully each other to make ourselves feel better? Do we really need to use the little amount of time and energy we have left in our day dealing with the drama? Do we really need to show our kids that this is what adulting is all about? To one up another or put others down? NO!

Stop The Hate

Stop the hate — stop the mom bullies. Call them out and exclude them until they come around and show them what inclusion means by befriending her. More-often than not, these moms have been hurt themselves and this is their coping mechanism to shield herself from the potential haters out there. She needs the extra TLC and some time, but eventually she will come around. And if not…let it be and move on. Life is way too short for the nonsense — make it count!

And with that…cheers!

Komi

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“Just Like Mommy” Fashion by Jems&A

October 11, 2017

I’ve always believed that confidence comes from within. You can’t fake it.

When my family comes together at the end of the day, we sit over dinner and discuss the things we are most proud of from the day. It might sound self-indulgent, but we hope that in recognizing our strengths and accomplishments we can be encouraged to continue to improve. Although it’s easy to focus on the “weight we need to lose” or the “wrinkles that are creeping in,” teaching self-acceptance can be a great confidence booster. It’s amazing, as a mother of two, to watch how much we influence the level of confidence our children have. But there is something I have learned about confidence: it is multidimensional. While self-worth comes from within, our outward selves can impact how we feel about our inward selves. Even though confidence isn’t always driven by what you see on the outside, it can definitely influence it.

I have observed my almost 7-year-old daughter watch me get ready for the day. Some days I feel like wearing yoga pants and no make up. Other days, I feel like wearing heels and a dress that make me feel good. When in both looks, I make it a point to be body positive and self-accepting as I know she’s listening to my thoughts and watching my actions. I’m certain I’m not alone when I admit there have been times that my daughter has emulated me in a way that I am not proud of. I use those moments as a stiff reminder that she’s watching and I need to be sure to send the right message about self-esteem and confidence.

My daughter loves to dress up. One of the looks she loves best is when our clothing matches. It could be as simple as matching colors, style, or even patterns. She can tell when I am “feelin’ myself” and she has a way of emulating that momentum. I don’t claim to have a perfect body or a beautiful face but one thing that I love the most is when I feel confident in my own skin — and I want to teach my daughter to feel the same.

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I recently stumbled across a really fun website called Jems&A. It’s a female-owned business whose mission is to design and style children’s clothing to help kids express their creative side in what they choose to wear. The Chicks love to support women’s businesses that also promote positivity! Their clothes were appropriate for my daughter and consistent with my own personal style which made it easy to do some “mommy & me” matching. They have clothes for not only daily wear but also for a fun night on the town.

Making memories with my children is what I cherish most in this short life. Taking the time to focus on my relationship with my children is one of my main priorities. It was fun to play dress-up with my daughter and incorporate laughter into our fun looks! If you like what see here in the post, consider checking out Jems&A. If you use the code ChicksAndSalsa20, you can get 20% off an order of $50 or more.

Feel good, look good, and share that same confidence with your mini! To read about how to discuss compassion with your mini, check out our post here.

Your chick,
Sonia

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Social Media: Friend or Foe

September 27, 2017

A busy Saturday — filled with running errands, soccer games, and catching up on household work from a crazy work week. In all relief, I settle into bed early to tune into the latest crime show I missed. After all, the kids are tucked away in bed and my husband is out — I’ll take advantage of this time to myself. I decide to play on my phone first…which I later regret. I stumble across a post that I’m not a part of…that I was never meant to be a part of. I brainstorm and think hard — was I invited to this outing and never saw the invite or replied back? I slowly realize that this post establishes the fact that everyone was invited but me. I come to the harsh reality that I have been left out from this group of “friends.” The group that would have routine outings and I was once a part of have now firmly stated their stance and that I was out.

I feel a moment of uncertainty. I feel almost 12. I feel a moment of rejection. This moment was just that though…just a moment. I quickly realize that it’s okay — I’m okay without that group. That group was full of toxicity anyways and maybe I’m okay without being invited even though the harsh cut-off did bruise me.

I brush off my feelings and focus on the positives I have going on…I have the friends that think of me and would think of me first when organizing an outing. I am grateful that I have friends that do keep my feelings in mind and would never cut me out like this. I have friends that would be enraged at the thought of me sitting here in distress feeling left out of a little outing.

I go back to watching my crime show feeling like a mature adult — opposite as to how I felt moments ago. I realize that it’s okay…after all, not everyone gets invited to everything and this moment makes things clearer than ever for me. I’m at that point in my life that every day should be lived to the fullest and not to be wasted on feeling lesser than anyone or anything.

The thing is, that I’m an adult and I have the life experiences to cope and get over these situations. Will I have feelings and emotions, yes but I also can get over these things better. I worry that my children and children I know aren’t there yet (see our post on Teaching Children Compassion). They don’t know how to cope and get over the feelings I just experienced. Social media hadn’t existed when I was growing up. There was no way of knowing an outing was going on with so and so. I wasn’t exposed to the evilness that some people have started using social media for — as a weapon. More and more I am realizing that people are using social media to get back at others or to show off their friendships and outings. Social media isn’t always being used as it was intended for which was to keep people connected.

I use social media. I actively post social gatherings and special moments. I love keeping up to date with the ones closest to me. I enjoy the pictures and memes shared on a daily basis. While I’m somewhat horrible at keeping up with correspondences, it does help me keep up with my friends and families’ lives.

Lately, I have made the conscience decision to refrain from posting anything that could intentionally or unintentionally hurt anyone. I do post updates about my kids, articles I find interesting, or even my tidbits about life from time to time. I do intend on posting special events — but not to get back at anyone, but to celebrate friends and family. I don’t feel that posting a picture when I’m out, knowing very well that someone is not included will make me feel better about myself. I don’t feel that purposely showing off to make others feel worse is the point and I won’t fall for it.

Check out this video that speaks to Why Fake Friendships are Ruining You Life!

What are your thoughts?

Your Brainy Chick,

Komal